Let me tell you a story about a little boy. He was born to average parents living an average life. He was their second child. His sister was born 14 months before him. She was a beautiful little girl. He loved his sister very much. He always felt so important when he was around her. He decided there was nobody more special than his sister, and more than anything else he wanted her love. He was a smart little boy, and everyone told him so, except his sister.

The little boy noticed one day that when he got attention, his sister felt bad. You see at that time in history everyone thought there was only so much love to go around, and if someone else got some love that meant you didn't. He loved his sister so much that he didn't want her to feel this way so he made a deal with God.

"God, if I agree to be small, and hold back my greatness, will you let me have my sister's love?"

He knew this must be it, he must not let his greatness show around his sister, surely this will make her love me. I will shrink so she looks big. You see it made perfect sense, she was so beautiful and so full of life, surely she would share that with him when she saw how much he loved her. He loved her so much he was willing to not "even show up" if that was what it would take. So he gave his word and sealed it with a prayer that night.

This strategy worked. It worked so well he forgot about the deal he had made. It became a secret pact, so secret even he didn't know anymore.

The little boy grew up and became a man, but he never broke his word with his sister. His deal with his sister became the "way he was in the world", forever holding back his greatness to be loved. He would get so close to expressing his greatness, then his need to keep his word would take over and he would sabotage whatever he was doing. He forever ran the ninety-nine yard dash, always one yard short of a hundred. He tried alcohol to squash his greatness. He tried drugs to squash his greatness. He hurt others to prove he was "no big deal". Whenever his greatness would begin to show up, he would distract himself by making others wrong and blaming circumstances for his miserable lack of progress. He couldn't understand why he felt this awful battle in himself. Soon, much of his anguish over keeping his secret deal with God became anger and sadness. So he did the best he could, which was mediocre at best.

Then a terrible thing happened. His sister died. His whole family mourned her death. There was more sadness and hurt than he thought he could ever handle. He saw his father almost die from sadness and shame. He saw his mother blame herself so completely a part of her died that day as well. Inside the man, in secret, the little boy cried out with pain so deep it shook his very soul.

"God! How could you do this? I kept my side of the deal. I didn't get too big! Where will I find love now?" The only thing the man allowed himself to feel that day was fear, fear of causing more hurt. He vowed to never cause that kind of hurt for anybody. So he shrank some more.

He got married and kept his "word with his God and his sister". Of course this meant he couldn't be all he could be in the marriage. He couldn't give all he had and keep his "deal" with God. So, in "being small" he empowered others to be "small". This included his wife, his kids or anyone else he came in contact with. He helped others keep their "deals" with God. He spent a good part of his life fixing what was wrong with the world. After all, as long as he kept focused on others he could forever keep his agreement to be "less than".

He occasionally wondered why others didn't display the greatness he saw in them. Well, in reality they couldn't, for it meant he would have to break his "deal".

He thought of his sister on occasion. When he did he usually just felt sad and told himself he should be over that by now. After all that was twenty years ago. This "deal" was to cost him much.

Still, if he was real quiet sometimes he could hear a faint whisper. He tried not to listen. The voice only got louder over the years. The voice that called to him urged him to start a search.

"A search for what?", he wondered.

This urge was a longing for something he couldn't put into words. It was an emptiness that wanted filling, except he couldn't locate the opening. It was like an itch that needed scratching, only you couldn't locate the source of the itch, so you can never scratch it. Or it can be described as a feeling that needs expressing, yet you can't quite feel the feeling. It resides just beyond our threshold of awareness.

At first the feeling was so faint it was almost unnoticeable. It would catch his attention once in a while by showing itself as an nondescript fear or sadness. It puzzled him. What was this nagging feeling? It was like a gnat that keeps buzzing you, but you can't swat it. "Just keep searching," was all he was left with. So he did. It was the greatness he saw in others that ultimately opened his eyes. "Why don't others display their greatness?", he wondered.

It was this question that started the process he was about to go through. For he was about to die. For him to truly live again - to display his greatness - he would have to break the "deal" he had made forty years earlier, and this meant a part of him was going to have to die to break this "deal". The first step was going to be remembering the "deal". The second step was going to be facing the numbing fear of dying.

The remembering can happen at any time. You only need be awake to remember.

The first step to his remembering came with a fleeting thought. He was driving down the road thinking about his wife. Whenever she told him how great he was, he cringed. It was very uncomfortable for him to accept compliments. It was easier to tell others how great they were. He often wondered why that was.

"The greatness I see in others is a reflection of the greatness I see in myself", he thought. "I can't fix anything, because there is nothing broken. You don't really get to work on anyone else, you only work on yourself. If I am afraid, others must be afraid", he thought.

"Whatever you see in others, you first see in yourself", he continued the line of thought. The next thought shook him to his knees.

"I have never completely displayed my greatness! It wasn't a question of whether I was great." In his heart he knew this was true, even though he resisted the thought. He had never fully expressed the greatness he knew he had. For the most part he had settled for fixing what he saw as broken with world. "Why am I always trying to fix everything I come in contact with? Am I trying to fix myself? I must think something is wrong. When did I decide something was wrong with me?"

He thought of his sister again. That is when the flood gates opened.

"Oh, my God! It has to do with her."

He spontaneously remembered the "deal" he had made. How he had framed his life to "shrink his greatness". He pulled the car over and cried. He realized he had been holding back his greatness, as well as, his love. All it had cost him, came to him at once. The people he had sold short. The business he had lost. So afraid to have others uncomfortable, he had spent his life in so much discomfort. He had sacrificed so much. All he had seen in others, he was about to see in himself. This implied a connection he hadn't felt in many years. He had heard we were all connected, but it wasn't until this moment that he experienced it. We are all the same. The same heart, the same mind.

His fear of dying, was the fear he would cause others so much pain as he had felt when his sister died. He had been making so many others wrong for so long, yet this was born of his holding himself back. It had cost him so much. It all came flooding to him at once, all that anger and sadness.

Then he felt the forgiveness. He felt the compassion. This was the next step. Such a complete forgiveness was now available to him. A forgiveness that came from himself and included everyone.

He looked outside the car he was sitting in and saw the world around him. Everything looked different. The colors were brighter. He saw the world as an amazing place. A place he belonged. He remembered a line from a movie he had seen many years ago, "Today is a good day to die………" When he first heard it he wondered what it meant. Now, he got it!

Today is a good day to die - and it a good day to live.

He felt more alive in this moment than he ever could remember. And with that aliveness came a peace that filled every corner of his soul. The tears flowed. The world would never look the same.

The Illusion of Separateness

When we start to acknowledge our connection with others, the world transforms. We no longer see others as a mirror, but rather as extensions of ourselves. With this significant shift in how we see others comes quantum shifts in all other areas of our interpersonal relationships.

When we experience others as a mirror, we see there are similarities in all people. We also notice the differences. This continuing comparison of similarities and differences feeds our experience of separateness. Imagine this; see yourself in a boat, sailing between two islands. To your port you see a tall and majestic island, spreading to the horizon. To your starboard you see a small and squat island. The island to port is green and lush, alive with flora and fauna. The island to starboard looks dry and brown, seemingly devoid of life. As you sail between these islands you can continue to compare each with the other. The physical differences are obvious. The suggestion is this; because the islands physically appear different and we are making comparisons as seen from the surface - that the islands appear separate. This is an illusion, an illusion of separateness.

If we were to pull the plug on the ocean and the water was to drain away, the boat would begin to descend with the lowering water level. At this point we could continue to make comparisons between the two islands. To our left we would see coral. To our right we would see coral. The further beneath the surface we get the more similar the two islands would appear. When the boat finally reached the bottom, we would see beyond the illusion of separateness. The islands aren't separate. The islands are connected. They are actually the same island. The reality is one of connection. On the surface we were attempting to compare one island with itself. This holds as true for people as it does for islands.

It is because of the physical differences we see between us, that we compare ourselves with each other. Black and white, tall and short, male and female, parent and child, husband and wife - all of these apparent physical differences lead us to believe we are all separate. From this comparing, we create the illusion of separateness. From this separateness we generate fear and defensiveness. The fear forms us again. Our view of the world colors the quality of our communication with others. It becomes very easy to feel as though you need to change or fix everything to conform with your view of how the world "should be". Life becomes a struggle to get things or people to be the way they "should be" or resisting the things or people that are the way they "shouldn't be". Separateness is an illusion.

When you look below the surface of human beings, you will start to notice similarities. Just below the surface you'll first encounter feelings - feelings that are common with all people; pain, joy, love, sadness, disappointment, fear, etc. Keep looking further and you will see the reality of oneness that exists at the core of all people. A deep connection that speaks to our spirituality. Accept your connection with all people and your experience of the world will transform. This isn't a simple intellectual acknowledgment that we are connected. This is a constant practice of emotional and spiritual connection. This is not done by yourself. You must consciously desire to experience your connection with others. This is the first step - decide to experience it and the experience will become available to you. Connection is a reality.

The Arm Talking to the Leg

Start to see people not as a mirror for seeing or judging yourself, but allow yourself to see others as extensions of you. Imagine each person as a holographic version of the whole. Imagine all of humanity as one single living organism, with each person a living extension of the whole. This quantum viewpoint will transform how you respond and react to everyone in your life and is an essential ingredient for living on the edge. As much as my arm is different than my leg, it would still be ridiculous to think whatever happens to my leg wouldn't in some way affect my arm. We have different names for all of our body parts, yet none are separate from the other. So it is with all of humanity. From this viewpoint of wholeness, judging or loving others becomes "the arm assessing the leg". A father admonishes his son for not (being enough) getting the highest grades possible - the arm telling the leg it isn't doing it right!

It is important to note that it is this context of wholeness that transforms our communication. It isn't what we are communicating that changes. When we communicate from the illusion of separateness the quality of our communication is entirely different. It is based in fear and defensiveness and as such is limited to only the responses that are inherent with this paradigm.

Communicating from a "reality of connection", as though the arm is talking to the leg, cannot generate defensiveness since this realm is inclusive of both speaker and listener. There is no need to defend since listener is listening to self and speaker is speaking to self. The normal barriers that we experience in communication are shed automatically. This is due to the quality of the communication itself. There is nothing to change. There is only ourselves to transform. Fear forms. Love transforms. Accept your connection and experience the genius you really are. Unlimited power and energy will be experienced in direct proportion to your willingness to let go of fear and separateness. This would be a wise shift in awareness.

Practice the following:

1. Being aware of the "deal you made" when you were a child that is keeping you from displaying your greatness.

2. Break this "promise". Display your greatness.

3. Operate from the "reality of connection". Look to others as extensions of self.